The members of our Family Department work daily with parents who are seeking to find a better way to co-parent their children through their separation or divorce.
Here are ten top tips to help you manage co-parenting with your ex: –
Seek support: Seek early professional help to give you the support that you need to cope with the transition to separation. The best way to help your children is to take care of yourself;
Contact: In almost all cases it is important that your children remain in contact with and spend quality time with both parents following separation;
Avoid conflict: Children do not want to be involved in their parents’ disputes. Avoid conflict and try and ensure that your communication with the other parent is civil. Conflict between parents is recognised as being damaging for children and can have a long-term impact on their emotional wellbeing;
Talk to your children: tell your children in an age-appropriate way that life is changing. Try and construct a coherent narrative that is acceptable to both parents and which can be shared with your child; Avoid the temptation to blame the other parent: children should never have to side with one parent over the other;
Be supportive: Be supportive of your child’s relationship with the other parent. You are your children’s’ role models, and how you behave towards each other will shape how they interact and form relationships with other people in the future. Even if you do not agree with the other parent’s parenting style, try not to undermine their authority or actively criticise them in front of your children;
Be reliable and consistent: one of the most important factors for a child’s well-being is having reliable parents who are able to offer consistent and boundaried parenting;
Communication: being able to effectively communicate is key. Share information and consult with the other parent about important matters that effect your children;
Create a parenting schedule: work together to create a parenting schedule that focusses on your children’s individual needs. This can include basic principles about parenting, as well as arrangements for the children’s day to day care; and
Be flexible: keep in mind that things do not always go according to plan – you or your children might get sick, traffic might be bad, or there may be a family emergency: it is a good idea to think about how you want to manage unexpected changes and include this in your parenting agreement.
Out of court options: Co-parenting can be tough. it’s important for parents to have access to good, authoritative, and professional advice and support that helps them through their separation. Court is the last option in most cases to resolve co-parenting issues.
Resolution (a membership association of 6,500 family justice professionals promoting a non-confrontational approach to resolving family issues) has created the Parenting Through Separation Guide. and are making it the focus of Good Divorce Week 2021 (29th Nov – 3 Dec). We are offering this guide free to any parent seeking help during their separation.
There are also many parenting workshops and organisations that provide education around co-parenting. Family Mediation can also be a very effective way of resolving co-parenting issues and is cheaper and quicker than court.
For more information, please contact our family team on 020 3820 6890 or one of our family mediators: Rebekah Gershuny (rg@freemanssolicitors.net) or Mark Kosmin (mk@freemanssolicitors.net).
This blog post was written by Rebekah Gershuny, a Consultant, Family Mediator and Collaborative Lawyer at Freemans Solicitors.
Whatever your personal circumstances the above is only a guide and we would advise you to contact us to obtain definitive advice as you will appreciate that each person’s circumstances are unique to them.